I am a nervous traveller. Before I travel, I would ideally like to be at peace. Here is what I want it to be like. I should be able pack my suitcase comfortably, arrange my shirts in a certain sequence, add my shaving kit on the side – the stuff for meetings all laid out in sequence… Then I ought to sit back listen to some music and flip through my tickets – everything is in order, I tell myself as I leave home.
Reality is cruel. Reality is different. I have just rushed back home from office. The neighbor’s dog is bringing down the house with his howl. I think he is sick – not the dog, I meant the owner. The dog is probably trying to send us a distress signal. I have no time time for all that. I rummage through my clothes and throw a few of them into the suitcase. They crumple up even before I have worn them. I lock the suitcase in a jiffy and open it back again. Rush to pack in my shaving kit. The last time I had left behind the toothpaste tube. The keys of my suitcase!! I had almost left them behind. But no, I have a sharp memory and I just caught myself in the nick of time from making yet another fatal error. The taxi is honking and competing with the neighbors’ dog. I rush out of the house and then run back -the ticket. I collapse in a heap in the cab. The airport is a mess. There are people jumping queues, students listening to iPods and shaking their heads in approval and the cops eyeing all with suspicion.
“Who packed your bags, Mr Bhaduri?”, she asks me.
“Since no one helps me at home, I have to do it myself.” I answer.
“Have you accepted any gifts or packages from anyone to carry with you on this trip?’ She quizzes me.
“Heck, I don’t even get presents on my birthday. Who would buy me a gift simply for travelling on work? The answer therefore is a no.”.
After a string of people have quizzed me, I get my boarding pass. I settle down into the seat. Aw heck! It is the middle seat again. I attract screaming kids on a plane like a vacuum cleaner attracts dust. Sure enough, this trip is no exception. I have a mother holding a wailing infant on one side and a glum faced senior citizen on the other. The flight takes off to the howling of the baby. Look I like babies especially when they don’t cry or need a diaper change. This one missed my affection on both counts. I try not to puke as the lady changes diapers and constantly tries to talk in what she thinks is a tone that is building the kid’s self image. The gentleman on my left is sleeping with his mouth open as if in wonder (what IS he dreaming about?) and he is snoring loudly. The snore sounds like a squeaky wheelbarrow being dragged back and forth on a cobbled street. I try to read. There is nothing decent around to read either – except for the in-flight magazine which is usually a by the juveniles and for the juveniles affair. I might as well use the washroom. I am on the horns of a dilemma. Who should I wake up to go to the washroom? The snorer? Or the infant who has just fallen asleep and has a steady stream of drool flowing as proof? I like proof except that it is going to start flowing towards me. I keep a few tissues handy. The snorer has changed pitch. It now sounds very close to the aircraft’s engine. I vote in favor of the snorer. I try to jump over the old man and get to the aisle and miss. OUCH!! The man’s loud protest wakes up everyone. I am the culprit. I pay the price for it. The baby starts howling again and wakes up the whole planeload of irritated passengers. I rush to the loo and wait there for a good five minutes before I return back to my seat. The world is at peace. Snorer is in dreamland. The baby is quiet and the mother is sleeping. I need to get back to my middle seat without disturbing the equilibrium of the earth. I have learnt my lesson the last time. I avoid hassling the grumpy old man. I try to get into my seat and land up waking the baby instead. “OH GOD!! CAN YOU LEAVE THE BABY ALONE??”, someone shouts at me. I apologize to the world at large as I hide in my seat under the smelly blanket and pray for the baby to stop howling. It is going to be a long night.
9 Comments
Hi Sir,
What’s really interesting about the article is the fact that a great amount of humour has been extoled through a very simple inncident….
I simply love and admire the way u find humour from such situations….
I guess these subtle humour from diverse situations makes life the greatest gift of life itself…
there are two lines which I loved the most-
-“I attract screaming kids on a plane like a vacuum cleaner attracts dust.”
-“The snore sounds like a squeaky wheelbarrow being dragged back and forth on a cobbled street”
Please write many more articles like these…They are lovely and even delightfully inspiring….
By the way did u visit Pike Place Market in Seattle, the place which pioneered fish philosophy…
Saikat Saha
Hi,
Air travel with all those hassles, a seat in the middle, flanked by yelling child and drolling oldy…ah, my sympathy goes to you.
Nice post. A writer with poet’s flair.
Thanks
Nanda
http://ramblingnanda.blogspot.com
http://remixoforchid.blogspot.com
Just found your blog – HR with a sense of humour! When are you coming to the UK we need your help!
Abhijit,
If one does not find humor in your piece one must be a somber, sour-puss and probably unable to carry on a conversation with anyone or see humor as a blessing in life.
It reminds me of the Easter story from the Christian Bible about the two men who observed Jesus’s tomb empty.
One of the men, having great courage, walked very near to the entry of the tomb and decided to lean against the stone allowing him to see a great stream of light entering where the stone had been rolled away. The other man, much less courageous standing at a distance asked, “Is there anyone in there?” And the first man replied, “no body.” If you can’t find humor in the meaning of words, especially in a story about what one may often experience during a typical day of air travel, and globe trotting, hey take the bus.
You may have singlehandedly captured what every person who flys frequently experiences and has been unable to put into words.
Almost makes you wish you had stayed home or chosen another career that does not include seeing anyone up close and personal. The only thing that could have made this situation worse for you is if you had been bumped off the plane and asked to wait on standby for the next plane leaving for your destination and that plane is leaving in three days from another gate.
Best Regards,
Jody
HI,
I think it was getting too personal here and one does not even have the freedom of expressing him/herself.. hence i had to delete my comment..
Bye
Hi….. i can certainly relate to it….. more often than not even um caught in the similar situation n i must admit that sumtyms i really hav supress my urge to throttle dese disturbing elements…uuuggghhh…..though wat i really liked about the article was the way u presented the entire scene in a humourous manner…..i had a good laugh:)))))
Jabardast, you have rewritten the basics of drama, nd it is just keep on writing nyhting, heard… u have written a bestseller…. gimme the e.mail id of the publisher………
Hey Abhijit
Reading your blog made me feel as if I was one of the characters in the plane (not the lady with the baby sitting next to you but the one who screamed at the end)
It was a laughing riot. All the best for more such flights!
U must try your hand at writing a comedy….the book would be a worldwide bestseller 😀