My peer became my boss
What if the peer who competes with you today, becomes your boss? And then makes life difficult for you. That is just what a reader asked me for my column on workplace advice that I sometimes write for Times of India. This article was picked as the
Here is what I said. What would you advice?
I work as an engineer in a company where I used to get a good rating on my performance from my boss. However, once he left the company, the new manager asked me to report to a colleague who used to compete with me on projects.
The colleague takes all the credit earned on my assignments and gives negative feedback about me to the manager. The manager is indifferent and wants me to treat the colleague as my mentor and sort out the issue with him. The situation has caused me mental distress and has lowered my self-esteem. Ironically, I have been told to keep a good rapport with my team and beers. How should I deal with the situation?
What I suggested:
Transitions are a part of every career. You can trigger a transition when you change your employer or even the sector. Sometimes the scenario changes for reasons beyond control. The change of a reporting relationship or even a promotion may require you to plan for the transition. When the change is not triggered by you, it is natural to feel anxious.
I always believe that a transition is like the trapeze act you may have seen. When a performer releases the bar and is caught by another performer, the "catcher," who hangs by his or her knees on another trapeze. After the first performer leaves the trapeze bar and is held by the colleague, for a brief period of time the performer is in mid-air without any support. Transitions are like that in-between moment. They are scary but manageable. Your last performance rating was good. That matters a lot. The new manager has not had a chance to evaluate your performance. Your manager would be hard pressed to explain why the performance of an employee who has done well in the past drops because the manager has changed. That would reflect poorly on the new manager’s skills and capability. Your new manager would be equally keen to see you doing well.
The green eyed monster called jealousy
The real issue seems to be something else. I sense some frustration at having to report to an erstwhile colleague. It is but natural.Read: My boss is too busy to mentor me. What should I do?You may have experienced a similar scenario when you have had to manage someone who was once your peer. The organization is shaped like a pyramid. People's careers move at different paces. While driving sometimes two lanes merge into a single lane. The vehicles have to take turns to form a single file. If both drivers try to get in to the single lane simultaneously, it would end badly for both.We accept not getting the same marks as our classmates in school or college. But at work, we expect that we will always be chosen ahead of our peers. Your career will not be judged by the progress that colleague makes. Your skills and competencies will create opportunities for you and no one can take that away.I am sure your colleagues are watching how you are handling the relationship with your colleague. Handling it with grace will make you stand tall in the eyes of others. Don't walk away from this opportunity to learn a vital life lesson.Walk up to your new manager and congratulate him or her. Then state that you did experience disappointment at not being chosen instead. But you are committed to building a strong team where both of your succeed. Your colleague will be pleasantly surprised and will go the extra mile to respond to your graciousness.Who knows some day you will get a promotion ahead of your peers. When you notice someone feeling disappointed and disengaged, you know just what to do. Have a candid conversation. Acknowledge the disappointment and address it together. This will be one of the most powerful relationships you can build.
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On LinkedIn Siphiwe Moyo said something profound. I am quoting him here.
"I had an honour of teaching highly skilled specialists who are transitioning from individual contributors into managing other people for the past three days. One of the points I made was that the biggest challenge they will face after their promotion is managing people who used to be their peers. When this happens, you will be tempted to act as if nothing has changed but that is just denial. Of course something has changed. You don't have to alienate your former colleagues by acting like a bully but you need to embrace the new reality. You ARE the leader now; lead without feeling guilty. One or two people may resign and that’s okay. It’s better for people to resign and go than for them to resign and stay."
A version of this was published in