Left To Their Own Devices

Girl: How was your day? Boy: Boring... What did you do today? Girl: The same stuff SilenceI can hear the beep that announces that a new message has been received. The uncomfortable silence gives way to some frenzied texting.Girl: You shouldn’t have said that.Boy: Look at thisI realized they were talking to each other by texting.The restaurant is relatively quiet. Food arrives at their table. Both proceed to photograph it on their phones.Girl: The gravy looks delicious... Boy: Don't post a photo of the ice cream. Girl: Last time you wanted to and I let you. SilenceThe couple finishes their meal in silence, pay up and leave. The couple is in their twenties. Is this a generational thing? Don't people go out to eat so that they can catch up without having to get up to cook and serve?At restaurants just look at the number of people who spend most of their time concentrating on their phone and only occasionally marking their presence by looking up to make eye contact before returning to their device.The mobile is all pervasive and is not just a tool to communicate. When we are bored we reach out for the phone to entertain us. The trouble is that we now get bored even with family and friends. We have nothing to talk about.Words have got replaced by visuals. I guess a picture is worth a thousand words.It has now become a ritual to whip out the phone as soon as food arrives on the table. Click and post before you eat. When we travel somewhere we grab the phone to photograph a moment before we enjoy it. Happy and sad moments are posted on Facebook. What could have triggered a conversation gets killed because we have the "like" button that we can click instead of typing out a response. When someone says, "The sunset is beautiful", the response is often to instantly click a photo and post it somewhere.http://youtu.be/A6WtEHBbZd4If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it still make a sound? Today that question would mean if you have not posted it on Facebook did you actually experience the moment? There is no time to relish the colours of the sunset because we really must photograph it. We do not trust our memory anymore.When people are short of time, conversations are a casualty. There is no time to go deeper beyond the ice breakers. In a world that is rushing by, action becomes a socially accepted substitute for real exchanges. When busy parents spend family time watching a movie together or going out for a fun activity, they are choosing to spend time in action, not reflection. Each relationship has to explore how to start trusting each other before people can share their real self.We create breadth in a relationship when we spend time together. We create depth in the relationship when we have conversations. Conversations happen when both people understand each other’s world view and allow space in their mind to hold an opposing view. The best conversations happen when someone shares a view which is counter-intuitive. The exploration of that possibility is the reward.Conversations need people to be spontaneous. They cannot be planned. Real conversations happen when we exchange ideas with each other as we present our real self. That is why the animated conversations in the college cafeteria have inspired so many philosophers and revolutionaries.Technology is taking away the opportunity for us to be vulnerable. What we post online is either inane or carefully edited to show ourselves in the best light. If only our lives were as exciting as what we have make it out to be on Facebook.Conversations allow others to see our inner world. Great conversationalists can leave us with a return gift that we carry with us forever.Do you think we are forgetting how to have conversations?Join me on Twitter @AbhijitBhaduri